Created Made
by Malicious-Delicious
Summary: Zuko knew that he wasn't allowed to feel certain emotions, let alone show them. Zutara


**_'...I Have No Time For Your Ideals, I Have My Own to Deal With...'_**

I'm not wired to care, maybe my head was not screwed on straight. Most of my life, all I knew was hate.

The one girl I learned to care for was a girl from my long lost past.

Hair long and straight, eyes piercing in a fickle golden glaze. She looked like me, atleast in the inside. Something wrong, some screws loose. Raised not to be shrewd, she would never act lewd. Never cut free and be who she could be. Mai is her name.

But I left her a while ago.

I have no love. No heart, no world. All I know is a icy feeling when I see him and a callous one when I see her. A whirlwind of energy he is and yet, still so naïve, _stupid _he is. As for her, a product of my own creation.

I find myself now in a struggle. A shadow of my fathers past abominations. Leaving it all to follow the monster of my vengeance, his name was the Avatar, or more accurately, Aang.

I learned to co-operate with him. He was my only real escape from the fire nation. Maybe I longed for his lifestyle, care-free and yet the whole world on his shoulders.

A world was not heavy on me, but a damn lot of pressure and honor that could be up to that measure.

Now, I don't see him as a goal to overcome, but something that I actually had a say in and a bit of control on.

I would teach him how to bend fire. It seemed to be the only thing I had a grasp on. I had no hold on my fate, for the world has a way of unraveling things the way it deems fit. But this, _this, _I had a say in.

If I didn't teach him, he would have no where to go, I knew for a fact he couldn't find another fire bender. The whole nation was against him, and all the renegade benders who were off on their own have been taken to custody, my father knowing for a fact Aang still had not mastered fire bending.

He knew this, well, because he used all the elements during combat, but the flames.

But he wouldn't have guessed his only son would flee.

__

'might as well be'

But my struggle was beyond the avatar now. It was about a certain girl. Over the past year and a half of traveling with the Avatar, the planning, the plotting; I've observed this girl; no woman, she was mature well beyond her years.

Her quiet cunning, the way she would let her true strength show through her words. Albeit she was a very well suited water bender. And her unusual kindness.

I knew how to understand her wiring, at least as much as she let others perceive. There was so much to her besides someone who is motherly. You can see in her eyes, that small nagging wanting. Of what, I don't know. But the way she had a inner sad glow…infuriated me.

I had callousness towards her because of what I had done. So much I have destroyed and ruined. I had no cowardice but when it came to confessing my sins, I become a frightened child.

What I have done to her tribe, the water benders I _know _I had killed on my tirades through the Poles. If only my fathers ambitions were more low.

I can do nothing but keep my distance from her. She finds it mean. But it is best. The guilt I feel when I see her face won't take a rest.Even at some nights when my insomnia strikes, I can hear her sobs, I dare not console her. If I did, it would be harder to abhor her.

And even during these lazy days, when her brother is fishing, the earth bender napping, and the Avatar training. I can't help but notice how Katara would be off on her own.

What does her mind wonder on?

I always have this annoying thought, but I just can't help it anymore. Just being in the vicinity is driving me insane. I find it hard to complete my activities.

My mind racked with guilt beyond words.

But as I said before, I was not wired to love, feel or care. She is an enigma to me, but it might as well stay that way.

I trained myself to loath and she will be no different, but even though whenever she talks to me, I can't help but feel some heat that's new to me.

It's not the cold twinge of guilt, or the raw anger I will admit. But it's something I want to _give _her.

I want to be what she is longing, to atone for what I had taken away.

I _want _to be there for someone, because I have never met a woman quite like her. An enigma somewhat like Mai, but much more beyond her.Maybe a mother I have missed??

No, even greater.

I sigh and slide my fingers through my shoulder length hair. The wind is cooing on my bare back and relaxing. I see the Avatar still training, and the other two off somewhere.

I hear a rustle of grass and the water bender seats herself near me.

We stay silent.

I turn to her and lift an eyebrow, making sure she sees.

"It's a nice day…" was her answer to my unasked question. "it's nice to just sit and rest y'know, why you have a problem??" She joked. I simply turn my gaze back to the river that I stared at before.

I finally fell onto my back hard with an 'oomph' and lie there.

"You okay??"

If only she knew.

"I'm okay as I can get, I suppose." I cryptically answered.

She wanted to question me but decided to let it go.

_**--**_

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_A/N: Woah, my first Avatar story and my first story posted in a while. Too bad it's a oneshot. I just wanted something to get the ideas flowing. It ryhmes a lot, so it's cool! I intended for that. So, yeah, Im no longer Lavender-Streak! Im done with that, im nowwwwww, Lavender-Desire! See the diffrence? All right. Finally, the ideals line belongs to me! i need to copyright that before someone try to stealz it!_


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